


existence

by the color is blinding



Category: iCarly
Genre: Angst, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-16
Updated: 2010-08-16
Packaged: 2014-04-11 05:18:39
Rating: K+
Chapters: 1
Words: 688
Publisher: www.fanfiction.net
Story URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6245286/1/
Author URL: https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1836946/the-color-is-blinding
Summary: Maybe someday she'll learn how to live. One-shot, Carly-centric.





	existence

**the color is blinding** presents (_existence_).

Enjoy~

::

(_existence_)

"_To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that's all." - Oscar Wilde_

The first days are those that are the strangest for her. The first days she feels out of place, and awkward (_like she should be back at home_). She wishes that it could be like it used to (_it'll never be like it used to_) and that they could all be together without one feeling out of place.

She's the person who's always ignored (_passed over in the background_) when they all eat together. She never knows why (_it's because she doesn't have a significant presence anymore_) but she has to remind them (_force them_) that, hey, she's here too.

"Don't you remember me anymore?" she asks them occasionally (_all the time_). They laugh it off.

"Of course we do," they say. She laughs with them and knows that yes, they do remember her (_they don't_).

The first days she feels like never going out in public (_does iCarly count as public?_) with them anymore. There are those days that she wishes that they would move away, not out of Seattle though (_she wishes they would go to Maine_), and these are the days that she knows that her wishes are childish and silly (_but she hopes that they're not_).

She lets the first days pass, and hopes that maybe this would all work out (_it doesn't_) and then after a few weeks she hopes that maybe they would at least try to get a room (_they don't_) and then she hopes that maybe she could just ignore that part of them (_she can't_).

So she learns that it's not going to change (_she wants it to_), and she learns to be happy (_on the outside_).

School ends and they go off to college together and she goes off to college alone. She's okay (_she's not_) and wishes that maybe they won't get married (_they will_) and she wishes that maybe she would find love (_she doesn't_). College ends after a long time (_she wished it had lasted longer_)and then off she goes to get a job with a good salary (_it was minimum wage_).

A year after getting a job, she gets a card to a wedding and she goes happily (_miserably_) because they are her friends (_not anymore_). And she gives them a good gift (_a microwave_) and she gives them hugs (_she doesn't want to_), and then she goes off away to live her happy (_miserable_) life and she just knows that perhaps maybe (_maybe not_) she should get a boyfriend, and maybe live a little (_isn't she already?_).

But then she realizes that her life has passed – it's almost over (_it hasn't even started_) and that she better start living (_wasn't she already?_) for once. Then she realizes that no no no it won't work (_right?_)—

"_I'm better off living alone_," she knows (_she doesn't_).

But then one day everything she had known (_she hadn't known anything_) changed for the worse (_for the better_). She met a thoughtless (_thoughtful_), rude (_considerate_), unpleasant (_comfortable_) man who she absolutely hated (_loved_) and she wishes she had said no (_she said yes yes yes yes yes finally she said yes_) when he proposed after they were arguing (_dating_) for four years (_it felt like barely any…_)

And then, regretfully (_perfectly_) they had kids, and a house, and she got a raise and then she was tied to this man for life (_why couldn't it be forever?_). Her kids were ugly (_gorgeous_), unremarkable (_extremely talented_) and disobedient (_they did whatever she asked_).

And then one day (_night_) she grew up suddenly, and she was finally _happy _and she didn't second-guess herself, correct her thoughts, and she forgot about the past and her troubles and she loved her life and she loved her family, husband, and kids—

and instead of just existing, she _lived_.


End file.
